Ya know, sometimes there comes something from someone that is truly right on the money. My friend Coop sent this missive about hockey which shows he is not only a good writer but as passionate about hockey and our beloved Bruins as anyone. Here is what Coop says about hockey in general and I really could not have put all these thoughts in one sitting like he did. So enjoy!
“Enough with the shoot out. End it. 4 on 4 for 5 minutes, 3 on 3 for 5 minutes. No goals? A tie. The shoot-outs BORE me. It’s fun to watch a guy on a breakaway, only if a defender is busting his ass to catch him. Do you think in a million, yes a MILLION years we would see a move like Kopitar’s in a game with someone racing after him? Never. The fights are stupid, the shoot-out is stupid, give me 60 minutes of hockey, 10 minutes of modified hockey, no winner? Tie game, one point each. See you in the playoffs. Why aren’t the players credited with a goal on their records if they bury one in the shoot-out? I am so disappointed with our guys this year. I give them my heart every season, and it gets crushed like an abandoned car at Stinky’s Auto Salvage. I remember when a fight excited me, now it’s just absurd. Some guy lays a great hip check on Joe Schmeaux coming into the offensive zone, a perfectly legal, hard check, Schmeaux is floored, and 4 of his teammates rush over to fight the guy that checked him. CHECKING is LEGAL in hockey. Shmeaux should get up, take a number, and throw a check, or score a goal to burn the player (lets call him Murray Hamilton *look it up*, and his team later.) Two guys with face shields wrestling for a minute is about as thrilling as watching my puppy dog. Hockey is never going to get better TV ratings than CSI-Brighton, but there are hundreds of thousands of fans that live and breathe hockey, think about them (us), hockey is WORLDWIDE, there is a league in Russia that can lure layers away from the NHL, paying them millions. We have a great sport, bleep the salary cap, the best teams should be able to get the best players. If that means Bah-Bye to Columbus and Nashville and Atlanta, so be it . If your pond don’t freeze in January, you ain’t a hockey market. The Bruins are NEVER going to win the cup with Jeremy Jacobspenis owning the club. They don’t try to market sailing in Nebraska, so don’t try to sell hockey in Nashville. We need a 24 team league, 12 teams each conference, give us the best you can offer. I love the Bruins and want them to win, but if you give me a dynamite playoff series with Toronto against Los Angeles, I will watch every minute. (I know I said “pond freezing” earlier, but LA is the one warm weather exception to the warm weather rule, we can live without Anaheim, San Jose, Florida and Tampa Bay, put a club in Seattle-former home to the Metropolitans, or Portland, if you have to, and see what transpires). With the HD TV, the game looks GREAT on TV, even though I’m a die-hard, the biscuit was a tad hard to pick up on Ch. 38 back in the day, squinting was not optional, it was mandatory. Not everyone likes Def Leppard, not everyone likes hockey, let’s try to make the game good for the people that like it like us, and try a bit to recruit the people hanging on the fence. There are millions and millions of folks who love the game of stick and puck, so let’s make them happy and excited, if our efforts reinforce their love and get a few folks hanging on the fence over to our side let’s do it. Remember, once you have seem a hockey game in person, LIVE, you are a fan, FOR LIFE. Teams should give FREE tickets out to groups in their areas, offering them seats at a game, GOOD seats. Once you have seen a game live, you are on board, you know it, I know it. Sitting in the stands, hearing the sounds of the game and leaving your seat when the locals score is the nucking futs, you WILL be hooked for life on hockey. One other thing that has to change. GOALS. It is complete bullsh*t when a goal is waved off because it was “kicked in”, that is complete bullsh*t. If you have the skills to direct the puck into the net with your skate, your nose, your swinging johnson, your knee… Outstanding – it is a GOAL!!!!!”. Awesome!!! Line up for a face off. Same thing with a leg, a hand, an elbow, anything. Like soccer, if you have the skills to get the puck in he net, it is a bleeping GOAL. Testes, heads, ankle, chest. faces, (Andy Brickley, anyone?) bums, shoulders, hands…. If you’ve got the skills to knock it in, well, then…. It is a …. G O A L. , yes … A G O A L! …. Yay! (the fans do not leave their seats yelling….. “Wasn’t that an outstanding wrist shot???”, “Wasn’t that a really great dump and chase play???? (AHHHHHHH, on that one!! ) direct it in with the shaft of your composite material hockey stick… G O A L!. Crash the net and blast the goalie and the puck into the net, G O A L, (I know that you will hate that one RICARDOAVACARDO, but too, bad, you should have played left-wing then you wouldn’t be biased towards the crease resident), if you can get the puck over the goal line, more power to you! I am not saying you should cross-check the gardien de buts in the head to score, but good a smashing of puck, body, ice shards, equipment, the full Sex And The City DVD Compilation, mouth piece, CCM’s, an autographed 5 X 8 of the great man tucked in your shin pad, banana cup, Gold Bond powder liberally applied to the crotch area, laces, skates, appropriate hockey undergarments, a serious knob on the top of your shaft, your shaft, the realization that while you are falling into the net, you are participating in the greatest sport on the globe, f*ck what Latin America says about Futball (soccer), what those tea-sipping florists in India and Australia say about cricket, you know I know that there is hockey, and there is everything else…… And!!!!!! It is better to have played hockey and lost….. than it is to have played basketball. Do not even get me started on golf. Here’s to ya my puck loving chums!!!!!!! God bless both of you…. You hockey enthusiasts! I love both of you. G0 Bruins! Your chum, B. Scot L. Cooper, currently with fingers crossed, hoping for a Bruins victory, Tuesday evening against the Washington Crapitals.
Well Done Coop!